SUPER shuttle

When I arrived at LAX a few weeks ago I took a shuttle to the apartment I'm staying at in Burbank.  I had a very personable driver.  It turned out to be only me in the shuttle so the two of us drove along in what started out as silence.  He asked me what I was in town for etc. and we started talking.  He said some really interesting things that I want to share, because I keep thinking about them and I think they were really special.  What I should point out is that he turned out to be an observant faithful religious man, and although I did not share his religion I related to what he was saying and we really had a nice conversation.
Here are the things I now never go a day without thinking about.

1) A person is a diamond.
You can get into trouble, you can make bad decisions.  You can be at fault.  You may even hurt people you care about.  You may be a victim of circumstance or you could just be responsible for some bad choices.  But a person is a diamond and no matter how much dirt you bury a diamond in you can always wash it off and it will have lost none of its value.

2) Everyday is your Birthday.
You know the feeling you get on New Years or your Birthday?  That hopeful clean slate "this could be the start of something new" feeling?  Optimism and reflection abound.  Well everyday is a new day.  Every day you wake up is a clean slate.  It's all about you today.  Every day is your birthday.

We spoke about many other things on the car ride but these two things have stuck with me the most.  In fact we spoke for a long time until suddenly there was a weighty silence in between his sentences.  It was only then that he shared with me the religion he believed in and I could hear in his voice that he was expecting for me to judge him perhaps and lose interest in our conversation.  But I didn't.  I truly was interested to continue talking and hearing his story.  I'm glad I did.  While he didn't change my mind about what religion to believe in he reinforced in me a feeling of decency in humanity.  He asked me to please pass on what he said although I think he also wanted me to pass on the goodness of his particular religion.  But really I don't think religion is the important part here.  I think humanity is what is important and when I think about the things we talked about I don't think about the differences of our religion, I think about the sameness of our humanity.  He was kind and warm and helped me with my bags.  When I got to my apartment I thanked him and shook his hand.

This couple comes every night to the coffee shop I draw at in Burbank.  They sit in absolute silence, both staring at their phones and barely acknowledging each other.  I often wondered if their relationship was so horrible that they never spoke.  Then the other night the man asked the woman something and she came over and giggled and pointed to his phone.  I glanced at the reflection of his phone in a window and saw that they were playing a game together.  They had been coming to the coffee shop every night to play games together.  Suddenly something I thought was so sad became so sweet.

Up and Down and All Around

Short Update on Big Change:

I got a wonderful job opportunity (for some stop-mo animation) and have moved to Burbank to pursue it.
This means - Physical production of my short has come to a standstill (although I'm making a effort to keep it on my mind....I still have some aspects of it that I need to trouble shoot so I'm constantly thinking about things like that)

So here I am.

AND NOW to ramble.

The first time I made a big move (from Toronto to New York) it sort of threw me for a loop and I stopped drawing and updating my blog for about a month or two.  That whole time I kept telling myself its ok, you just need to adjust.  But what I failed to realize is that by taking out the one thing in my life that I consistently did for myself alone, I had inadvertently sabotaged my total adjustment to my new situation.  As soon as I finally said enough's enough and picked up a pen and started drawing, thats the first time I felt at home in NY.  Looking back on it now I'm like DUH I should have started drawing immediately.  I think I would have adjusted a lot sooner and just felt better (not that I wasn't having a great time from the moment I arrived :) )  But lesson learned.  Then when I moved from NY back to Toronto the first thing I made sure to do was get out for a walk and draw EVERY morning.  Oh man....that was awesome.  An unexpected benefit: my mom and my sister even came with me a few times and it was really great being able to spend time relaxing with my family at the start of my day.
From then on every move I've since made (Toronto to Vancouver, then Vancouver to Burbank) I've only missed a day or two of drawing.  I finally draw again because I just want to.  Not because I feel like I have to but because if I didn't I'd be fighting against doing something I just want to do.  I still haven't achieved child like creative doodling (which is where I am trying to go) but the want to draw exists quite powerfully in myself and the more I do it the more I want to do it.

There'd be days like this....

I have recently (today) come to the realization that "staying motivated" isn't really the problem we think it is.  As artists we tend to think that staying motivated is the KEY to success, without it we are lazy and time wasters, no good and will never get better.  We've all experienced excitement at a project!  The feeling that you just can't wait to get going on something.  And then....  for whatever reason..... you loose motivation.  You sleep in or feel cranky or something in your personal life is exploding a little and you really just don't have the energy to be excited for your art.  You don't even WANT the energy to be excited for your art.  And then you give up a little and it hurts the artist inside you that you would dare give up on something that is really at your core very important to you.  And then we ask ourselves with regret and shame "Why can't I just stay motivated?  What's wrong with me?" I totally get it, I think we all do.

Hello from my Old Man!!!!!

Here's the thing though, the key is not to stay motivated.  The key is to forgive yourself when you are not motivated.  I have spent a lot of time just beating myself up for not working hard enough or long enough or good enough.  I always thought if I could just "stay motivated" I could be the artist I always wanted to be.  But this just isn't life.  Things are constantly colliding with us that knock our focus and energy away from our art.  This is life.  And its ok.  I think where the trouble really starts is when we start beating ourselves up about it instead of just moving on.  How can we be expected to create when there is someone in our head questioning our own dedication to our craft?  It's ridiculous.
Next time you feel completely unmotivated... Just let it be.  More than that try to recognize what is distracting you, maybe take some steps to manage or get rid of your distraction.  Then forgive yourself for not drawing for a week (or whatever) and you would be surprised at how fast your own brain will wake up excited instead of remorseful screaming "Let's go!!!!"

Sooo....

What have you been up to?

I Get By

Things are moving along at a slow but sure pace.  There is still some sort of mental equilibrium that I am chasing after but I think I'll get there soon.  It's a whole new challenge when you are working on your own film, your own idea.  I feel so spoiled to say this but I MISS having a crew around to do things for me.  If I had a puppet/set/lighting problem in the past I just took it to the experts I worked with and said FIX THIS PLEASE.  And fix it they did.  I have been incredibly fortunate to have worked with so many amazing knowledgable people, and let me tell you I am really missing them.  Now when I have a problem to work through with my puppet/set/lighting its all on me to fix it.  And don't get me wrong, I'm loving the chance to learn all this great stuff, and yes I am have wild fun doing it.  But I know myself and when it comes right down to it there is just nothing in the world I love more than animating.  Building is fun, storyboarding and drawing are fun.  I love it, it's great.  But it doesn't compare to animating.  And I miss animating.  I suppose its just frustrating that every time I have a setback and can't move forward I am the only one who is accountable for that.  Anyways, you know what they say:  Anything worth doing isn't easy!
Forward I go.

Grumpy Old Men

So this is not the best picture (I took it with my MacBook) but its better than nothing!  For some reason I can't seem to co-ordinate bringing my SD card and point and shoot camera with me.  I'll get the hang of it then better pics will follow!  So at this point I'm kinda stalled on the puppet construction as I wait for some more supplies to be shipped.  Since this is the case I am now switching gears to focus on the set.  I've been sketching and colour swatching like a mad woman.  My heart is still with my puppet though so I'm just kinda going through the motions with the set until I get excited about it.   WEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Just Me and Me

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I just listened to this great podcast interview with Conan O'Brian.  He said when he was younger and working part time jobs trying to make it as a comedian, all he ever wanted for his career and his life was for it to be interesting.  That really made me stop and think...  And yeah, I really agree with him.  I've realized that the only times I was really unhappy was when things were boring, when I was stagnating in my art and not taking risks and trying new things.  Not failing but not succeeding.  It kinda made me see my life and my future in a new light.  And I like it.
Keep it interesting!

Half Alive

It's really weird to see things progressing like this.  I've had this idea in my head for so long and actually seeing it take some sort of physical form is magical to me.  I've assembled my armature and hope to to have build up PHASE ONE (blue foam) done by the end of tomorrow.  Soon it will be time to work on the head sculpt and replacement mouth parts.  WOW.  I'm excited.

A Sketchy Conversation

So things are going well at the studio....other than some random threadlock issues I can't complain too much.  I'm thinking by the end of this week I should have some pretty exciting progress to show!

In fact I had brought my point and shoot camera to the studio today to take some progress pics, only to find that I had forgotten to put an SD card in it!  Arg......silly me!

Oh yesssssssss.....

This is my life.
It is happy.
Need I say more?