Self Aversion and Lemon Party

I read something recently on the subject of how we often try to avoid ourselves.  Desperately seeking TV or something to read or mindless tasks to perform, anything to allow us not to have to be alone with ourself.  I know that I have done this more frequently lately than not.  Knowing that I will have to go on a 15 minute walk to Whole Foods prompts me to nervously check that I have my ipod in my pocket so I can listen to music. If I should already begin walking and realize that I had left my ipod at home I will silently curse and immediately pull out my phone to check.....something, anything.  Anything so that I don't have to be left alone with myself.  It is such a knee jerk reaction at this point that it takes deliberate and conscious thought to actually reconnect.

But then I remember, those warm nights while I was working in Burbank.  I would walk 40 minutes home from work every day.  After having listened to my ipod all day while animating I needed a break and I would walk home in silence, just myself and I.  I remember thinking how beautiful the sky looked and how long it had been since I had heard crickets chirping.  And that maybe it was a good think that I was stuck in the Suburbs of Burbank because it has the smells and sounds that reminded me of my childhood.  I remember feeling really grateful at that moment.  The crickets and the grass reminded me of the barbeques we would have in our backyard growing up.  The setting sun amongst the houses reminded me of the time before I moved to the city when I could watch the sky turn colours from my driveway unobstructed by tall city buildings.  Walking the streets of Burbank and being comforted by familiar things in an unfamiliar place was really a special moment for me.  I don't think I would have had those experiences if I was listening to music or a podcast.

So why do I avoid myself now?  I think I know it is because on some level I am not being completely honest with myself and perhaps I am afraid to be faced with the truth.  There are things in my life I have been avoiding and because of this I am avoiding myself.  Doing this Failure Challenge has helped me come face to face with some truths.  It has also given me the courage to face other parts of my life I have been avoiding.  But I'll get into that another day :)

I've been getting some requests for my previous lemon attempts so here they are in order.  

These were all done on the same day.  I was determined not to let this lemon kick my ass completely!