Blues

FAILURE CHALLENGE POST #8

I went for a walk the other day and came across some awesome busking.  The musicians switched every 20 min and they all sang different genres.  It was amazing how the way they dressed and presented themselves was so cohesive with their genre.  I want to work with the blues guy and flesh out that illustration so I've started with some gouache studies.  Well, thats a lie.  I started in Photoshop but felt so disconnected the I just switched to gouache.

This failure challenge has been really amazing so far.  I'm really pushing myself to do things I was so nervous to try.  I've been painting way more and also drawing a wider variety of things as well as experimenting with the way I draw.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHEXCITING!

Painterly

So we went to Dr. Sketchy's last night and I failure challenged myself not to use any lines.  Instead I brought my gouache and took the opportunity to paint from life.  At first, I was scared.  But the thought that I already knew how things would look if I just used a pen was so overwhelmingly boring to me that I couldn't bare not to do something different.  At first it was definitely a struggle but the constantly changing poses let me start over and learn from my mistakes every few minutes.  I learned a lot about the optimal texture of gouache for this kind of work and also found a workflow that really worked for me.  I found a thin underpainting to block out the form and then rendering it lengthwise really worked for me.  Ultimately I learned a lot in those three hours and I'm so glad I stared fear in the face and shrugged.

FAILURE CHALLENGE POST # 7

Here is a page from the beginning of the session when I was still trying to get my bearings:

Here is a page from closer to the end of the session when I started to feel more comfortable: 

I LOVE PAINTING!

Handsome Man!

Well well who's this?

If you recall I was getting quite frustrated with the thread lock giving out on my old ball and socket armature.  Heck, I even gave it one last chance and cold welded the armature together.  However when I did that one of the balls snapped off and I didn't have a spare.  So I took it as a sign that I should really consider making a wire armature like the ones I used on Beforal Orel and Robot Chicken.  I sooooo enjoyed animating with those so it's not like I'm settling here.  This current armature is made of Apoxie sculpt and aluminum armature wire.  The Apoxie sculpt is great because I can sculpt the shapes into their general form and then when it cures I was able to go back with a dremel and refine the shapes a bit more.  

Already this armature is holding up a lot better than the last one.  During fabrication of the ball and socket things kept coming loose and I'd have to backtrack, cleaning off parts and then setting them again and again.  

So now I'm pretty excited to see if he will last through a walk cycle (another area where the last armature came up short).  Then some movement tests.  I pretty much want to see how far and how long I can push him until he breaks.  This is by no means my final armature, I'm just testing the method.  There are already some modification I know I want to make as far as the placement of the neck and other miscellaneous details.

If I'm able to animate this guys for a while I'll take the next step and cover him with foam and test the movement with that.  Although I know I shouldn't be getting ahead of myself in case he breaks too fast, I can't help but plan our future together!!

Beating Myself With A Rock

Today I did something I've been thinking about doing for about 3 years.  I went outside and painted.  Such a simple act and yet somehow, before, I could never "find the time".  Well today the sun was shining and my brain kept poking me with the words "why not today?".  So I went!  I found a rock in a quiet place and I sat down for about an hour painting it.  I hope to build up to painting complete environments but I wanted to set an attainable goal for today so that I wouldn't get discouraged from going again.  And am I ever glad I did.  We had another lemon situation on our hands today.  I still did not get the rock to a place I am totally happy with but my fingers were starting to freeze so I left it.  I plan on going out again (maybe tomorrow if the weather holds up!) and making that rock my slave.
Anyways I'm super proud of myself for just "showing up".

 FAILURE CHALLENGE POST #6

My first attempts at the rock

My final attempt of the rock.  All in gouache.

Back Baby

I have mostly recovered from my most awful cold.  Being sick caused a lot of my momentum to come screeching to a halt.  So now I'm building it back up again!  I can't believe March is just around the corner.
I've worked on this just a few hours this week.  Looking forward to devoting more time next week and finishing it!  Hurray for moving on!

Breaking Point

I'm sick!  And I have a houseguest for the week!  And there is a long weekend here!  The perfect storm to getting no work done.  So I am taking a blogging break for a week.  I will see you all next week, have a great one :)

From Life

I went life drawing last night.  I realized I hadn't been life drawing since I was in New York.  So that would be... like almost a year and a half!  ICK.  I love life drawing and it was always in the back on my mind to go.  I'm so happy I finally went!!  I had a great time and we had a fantastic model.  We went to Dr. Sketchy which if you are not familiar with uses burlesque performers for models.  This makes for interesting poses and a fun atmosphere.  I haven't used conte in YEARS.  The last time I did life drawing I just used my sketchbook and pen.  I have really missed drawing with my entire arm.  Those first few gesture looked rough.  However I persevered and finally got back into the groove.  In the second half I switched to a blue col erase to see if I could pick up more detail for the longer poses.  Success!  It has inspired me to perhaps take a pen break from cafe sketching and try to work in some tonal values by using a pencil.  I know the blue col erase didn't photograph well (obviously lol) but in person I really like the way it came out.  I'm excited to see what cafe sketching with a pencil will bring me.

FAILURE CHALLENGE POST 5

1 min warm up poses (ROUGH start!!)

5 min in conte

10 min in blue col erase

Filtered

I was feeling pretty disconnected and blah about my digital piece.  I realized it's because I didn't really care about it.  So I decided to take my own advice and find something to love about it.  I decided to redraw it but instead of just drawing what I saw in the photograph I allowed it to filter through my mind and my own perspective.  This is what happened and now I'm actually excited every time I sit down and work on it.  I'm not rushing through it.  I'm exploring and playing and having fun.
This challenge has really helped unblock me mentally and creatively and I'm now working on other ideas.  Ideas that were totally stalled as I was paralyzed by the potential failure they might be.  YAY!  This is working for me.

BEFORE

CURRENT

Anyone want to join in?  What are you afraid of doing because you might fail?

For You.

I actually think that kindness is one of the most powerful things in the world.  Kindness to ourselves and kindness to each other.  When I am feeling down about myself or my work sometimes I feel like it would be weak to be kind to myself.  Like I would be encouraging or endorsing the things about myself I wanted to change.  Truthfully though I was just kicking myself when I was already down.  When I couldn't find the strength to be kind to myself I was and am lucky enough to have people in my life who could see past my self loathing to see just me, a person who was hurting.  When I couldn't bear to be kind to myself my family and friends were.  It was their kindness that lifted me up.  If I had surrounded myself with people who believed like I did that the only way to change or help myself was to be cruel and point out my flaws (as if I didn't already know what they were!) I don't think I could have survived it.  I count my blessings every day that through the darker periods in my life when I couldn't show myself love or acceptance I had people in my life that gave me a soft place to fall and a refuge from my own internal self flagellation.  Now, years removed from those times I find it easier to be kind to myself in the hard times.  I remember a few parts of last year when I felt particularly low that I couldn't find one good thing to say about myself.  It was then when I was internally searching for something, anything that would keep me moving forward I heard my sisters voices telling me that they were proud of me and that they believed in me no matter what.  I listened to those voices and replayed them over and over in my head until I believed it and I could say it to myself.  Of course I could have chosen to listen to the other voices.  The ones who doubted my choices and discouraged me from taking the risks with negativity and fear.  If I chose to recall those voices in my fragile state I think I would have just fallen to pieces.
Not everyone is going to believe in you.  But you owe it to yourself to find someone who does.  And you owe it to yourself to believe in the way they believe in you until you can believe in yourself.

While we are on the subject, who is it that you believe in?  Who can you offer kindness to when they are feeling low?  Give that person a soft place to fall because you may be the only person in their life who can.

PROGRESS -

Look a little different?  I'll talk about that on Friday :)

Self Aversion and Lemon Party

I read something recently on the subject of how we often try to avoid ourselves.  Desperately seeking TV or something to read or mindless tasks to perform, anything to allow us not to have to be alone with ourself.  I know that I have done this more frequently lately than not.  Knowing that I will have to go on a 15 minute walk to Whole Foods prompts me to nervously check that I have my ipod in my pocket so I can listen to music. If I should already begin walking and realize that I had left my ipod at home I will silently curse and immediately pull out my phone to check.....something, anything.  Anything so that I don't have to be left alone with myself.  It is such a knee jerk reaction at this point that it takes deliberate and conscious thought to actually reconnect.

But then I remember, those warm nights while I was working in Burbank.  I would walk 40 minutes home from work every day.  After having listened to my ipod all day while animating I needed a break and I would walk home in silence, just myself and I.  I remember thinking how beautiful the sky looked and how long it had been since I had heard crickets chirping.  And that maybe it was a good think that I was stuck in the Suburbs of Burbank because it has the smells and sounds that reminded me of my childhood.  I remember feeling really grateful at that moment.  The crickets and the grass reminded me of the barbeques we would have in our backyard growing up.  The setting sun amongst the houses reminded me of the time before I moved to the city when I could watch the sky turn colours from my driveway unobstructed by tall city buildings.  Walking the streets of Burbank and being comforted by familiar things in an unfamiliar place was really a special moment for me.  I don't think I would have had those experiences if I was listening to music or a podcast.

So why do I avoid myself now?  I think I know it is because on some level I am not being completely honest with myself and perhaps I am afraid to be faced with the truth.  There are things in my life I have been avoiding and because of this I am avoiding myself.  Doing this Failure Challenge has helped me come face to face with some truths.  It has also given me the courage to face other parts of my life I have been avoiding.  But I'll get into that another day :)

I've been getting some requests for my previous lemon attempts so here they are in order.  

These were all done on the same day.  I was determined not to let this lemon kick my ass completely!