This is a topic I think about a lot, and I have been meaning to write about it for so long. I think because of that I find it hard to write this post. My relationship with failure is such a huge part of who I am now and I can only hope to articulate it well enough. We all have our own unique relationships with failure. I'm just here to share mine.
"Failure is not an option"
I think we have all heard that one before, and I think we have all said that to ourselves. Well guess what? Failure actually is an option!! And it's actually a pretty great one. When I started drawing again I just wanted so badly for my drawings to reflect what I actually was seeing in my head. This was easier said then done and after so many failed attempts at this I became so fearful to draw because I knew I would fail. I froze every time I saw something I knew I couldn't draw. This led to much self loathing. It got so bad that everyday I would just totally freeze up and find myself staring at a blank page for minutes. Finally I had enough and one day I looked down at a blank page in my sketchbook and said to myself "This page is for failing". I gave myself permission to fail, and I made it my main directive to fail and only fail on that one page of my sketchbook. Suddenly I felt like I had been freed and I drew things that I never would have attempted otherwise. I wasn't frozen. When it became my goal to fail I felt so free and I drew so horribly and it meant I had succeeded! By giving myself this freedom I stopped being scared, I stopped beating myself up. Self loathing ceased and was replaced by encouragement. I kept giving myself permission and the goal to fail weekly. Eventually my "fail" pages in my sketchbook became the ones with the most energy and the best drawings. Now when I look at a blank page the permission to fail is automatic and I think that this was the main key to my improvement in my drawing over the past year.
This is just one small way in which I have embraced failure in my everyday life. So in honor of this I thought I'd share a page of my sketchbook that I think is just about the worst! I'm not ashamed of it, I know that this one page doesn't define me and I also know it is an important and successful step forward.
|I actually wasn't expecting to fail on this page but after I drew it I was really not happy with how it turned out! So here it is, a failed page.|