Friday, January 18, 2013

Somewhere Along The Way

When I started this blog I had been working for a few years as a stop motion animator and found myself to be laid off indefinitely   During those few years working I had completely neglected to draw.  When I was growing up and all throughout high school and college I did nothing BUT draw.  But what can I say?  I was swept off my feet by stop motion and was completely engrossed in it.  Still the nagging feeling that I was missing something stayed with me and when my job disappeared the feeling was all I had left.
It was amazing how....well how BAD my drawings were when I finally picked up a pencil again.  Comparing it to my high school and college art it seemed I had actually regressed.  This was a gut wrenchingly hard fact to face.  However I knew that the joy I used to feel from drawing was something worth fighting for.  I learned to turn off the part of my brain that cried in despair every time I drew something that did not look the way I thought it should.  It was only by sheer force of will that I was able to get through that part and rebuild the connection with my mind and my hand so that when I envisioned the way I wanted to draw something it actually came out that way.  This of course took YEARS and is still something I'm working on.  
Now that I've decided to take the leap and move onto different subject matter I find myself back at square one.  My brain and ego are taking a beating.  I think in the back of my mind I knew this would be the case but I was hoping it magically wouldn't.  At least this time around I have total proof in the fact that I can overcome this particularly discouraging part of the journey.  Although this time I am going through it wiser and more optimistic.  I can feel the slow and painful rebuilding of communication with my mind and my hand.  It is a brick by brick operation with no technological shortcuts.  I must do the dirty work.  And the fact that I have even started this journey (finally) makes me feel amazing and powerful.

Gouache and China Marker

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